just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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