that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize