i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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