my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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