I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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