The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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