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i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
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