What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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