yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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