I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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