I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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