Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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