have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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