your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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