hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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