I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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