how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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