So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize