i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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