Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize