dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize