Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
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I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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