Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize