I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
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FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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