Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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