when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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