I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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