he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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