I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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