I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize