It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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