sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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