I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize