Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
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the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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