fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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