Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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