You can't motorboat a personality
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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