I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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