I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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