I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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