I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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