I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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