Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize