my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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