She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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