Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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