just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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