do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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