god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize