when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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